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Managing Former Peers
Navigating the "Buddy to Boss" transition.
1. Have the Reset Talk: explicitly acknowledge the relationship has changed.
2. Stop the Gossip: You can no longer participate in complaining about the company.
3. Be Fair, Not Equal: Treat people fairly based on merit, not based on who you like.
4. Own the Awkwardness: If it feels weird, say I know this is a bit weird.
5. Set Boundaries: You might need to skip the late-night drinks for a while.
6. Don't Play Favorites: Your best work friend cannot get special treatment.
7. Listen More: They know you as a peer; show them you can listen as a leader.
8. Re-establish 1:1s: Use the first 1:1 to discuss the new dynamic openly.
9. Ask for Support: I need your help to make this team successful.
10. Accept Resentment: Someone else may have wanted your job. Give them space to process.
11. Don't Apologize for Authority: You earned the role. Don't be timid.
12. Focus on Data: When giving feedback to a friend, focus strictly on data/outcomes.
13. Keep Confidences: Things shared with you as a manager must stay private.
14. Don't Pull Rank: Use influence, not your title, to get things done.
15. Address the Old Days: If they say But we used to do it this way, explain why it needs to change.
16. Be Consistent: If you enforce a rule for one, enforce it for your friends too.
17. Distance is Healthy: A little professional distance is necessary for objectivity.
18. Empower Them: Give your former peers ownership so they feel respected, not managed.
19. Don't Overcompensate: Don't be extra harsh on friends just to prove you aren't biased.
20. Give it Time: It takes about 3–6 months for the new dynamic to settle.