Managing Former Peers: A Buddy-to-Boss Checklist

1. Have the Reset Talk: explicitly acknowledge the relationship has changed.

2. Stop the Gossip: You can no longer participate in complaining about the company.

3. Be Fair, Not Equal: Treat people fairly based on merit, not based on who you like.

4. Own the Awkwardness: If it feels weird, say I know this is a bit weird.

5. Set Boundaries: You might need to skip the late-night drinks for a while.

6. Don't Play Favorites: Your best work friend cannot get special treatment.

7. Listen More: They know you as a peer; show them you can listen as a leader.

8. Re-establish 1:1s: Use the first 1:1 to discuss the new dynamic openly.

9. Ask for Support: I need your help to make this team successful.

10. Accept Resentment: Someone else may have wanted your job. Give them space to process.

11. Don't Apologize for Authority: You earned the role. Don't be timid.

12. Focus on Data: When giving feedback to a friend, focus strictly on data/outcomes.

13. Keep Confidences: Things shared with you as a manager must stay private.

14. Don't Pull Rank: Use influence, not your title, to get things done.

15. Address the Old Days: If they say But we used to do it this way, explain why it needs to change.

16. Be Consistent: If you enforce a rule for one, enforce it for your friends too.

17. Distance is Healthy: A little professional distance is necessary for objectivity.

18. Empower Them: Give your former peers ownership so they feel respected, not managed.

19. Don't Overcompensate: Don't be extra harsh on friends just to prove you aren't biased.

20. Give it Time: It takes about 3–6 months for the new dynamic to settle.

Managing Former Peers